i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.
i say, paul.
is that a nerf gun.
yeah, says paul.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.
OMG everyone I know the ACTUAL story behind the gif this time!
Yes, it’s in Australia– that’s a big angry goanna that wandered into a popular restaurant. All the Australians in the vicinity went OH FUCK NO and cleared off, because goannas are mean.
The waitress you see there is a French exchange student, who was quoted as saying something to the effect of “I thought it was a weird ugly dog” and had no idea it was a reptile that wanted to rip her arms off. She’s been hailed as a hero who saved diners.
It’s amazing what power “not knowing” has.
The thing I especially love about this is this is a pretty dangerous animal, except she managed to defeat it by just fucking grabbing it by the tail and walking too quickly for it to turn around. Once again the animal kingdom is thwarted because we evolved opposable thumbs, long limbs, and reckless bravery.
weird, ugly dog thwarted by foreign exchange student and polished floors
my take-home lesson here is that nobody in france has ever first-hand seen a dog
no no, french dogs just be like that
unrecognizable force VS ignorant object
the comments on this get better and better every time it comes across my dash
What’s best is I love all three portrayals, basically anything with this man in it he’s so precious.
UK Gordon Ramsay is dealing with sensible people and edible food. US Ramsay is dealing with people who have actual health code violations in their restaurants yet claim to be good chefs running an acceptable business. Masterchef Junior Ramsay is teaching kids how to cook. No fucking WONDER there’s a massive difference.
I just love this man, cause he’s so fucking REAL. Kids are cool. Cooking is cool.
But I too, when faced with someone who has pigeons in their kitchen and claims they own a food business, would want to scream a lot.
Y'all have got to see his youtube channel. He’s got a ton of videos where he’s just teaching you how to cook something and he’s literally so excited he bounces in place. He’s like, a human-shaped border collie, trying to bring you all his favourite toys at once and he can’t stop borking excitedly about it the whole time
So it’s very late but I want to share the best piece of wisdom my mother has ever offered me.
One time, when I was having a very hard time, bad enough that I admitted I was struggling to my mother. My mother looked at me and told me: “Don’t make big decisions in February.”
I was very confused, because it was not February at the time, but she explained that one year, when she was younger but old enough to live on her own, she was having a very hard time, much like me. She found herself feeling especially low and especially stressed in February. And she decided she wouldn’t make any big changes for the rest of the month.
And the month went by, and she had a hard time, but time passed and it happened that by the beginning of March, she was feeling a lot better. And she was able to make big decisions she had avoided in February.
So now it’s a mantra for me: Don’t make big decisions in February.
February being whenever I feel down or angry or stressed.
Boss or coworkers being crappy? Don’t make big decisions in February.
Feeling lonely and it’s 2am and you have a bottle of hair dye just sitting on your bathroom sink? Don’t make big decisions in February.
Give yourself space to think through your decisions. Bad moods rarely give you the best judgement. Anxiety disorders, depression, and other mental illnesses will try to convince you the wrong decisions are the right ones, and in the moment, they sound very convincing.
So give yourself time to figure out if that’s what you actually need, what you actually want, and what would maybe feel good in the moment but have consequences you’re not willing or ready to deal with.
Try not to make life changes in February, whatever February is for you.
I know this is a post about February as a metaphor for rough times, but as someone whose rough times ARE February (and who’s known many other people for whom February is rough, either due to seasonal depression or just the bad luck of life shit hitting around then all the time), I highly recommend not making big decisions in ACTUAL February as well, unless you’re 100% doing well in February.
